I have thought a lot about God in my life. Does he/she/it exist? Over the past five years or so I have gone through a process of deconstructing my Christian religious beliefs; this has not been without cost. I came to the conclusion that the God of Christianity is not the ‘good guy’. Well certainly not according to what the bible teaches anyway. Not unless you agree with God sanctioned murder, rape, genocide and the concept of eternal conscious torment… sorry but YAHWEH is much too violent, bloodthirsty and unforgiving for my liking. But do I still believe in God? That’s a difficult question. I love science, I love facts and I believe in cause and effect (I also like the idea of progressive spiritual and mental realisation). But I also see something more, I just can’t put my finger on what that is. I see meaning in the stars above, in the eyes of my 3 year old child and my dog who adores me. I also have an inner longing towards some sort of ultimate reconciliation. The idea that sometime in another dimension we will reconcile with our long lost beloved ancestors and more recently lost loved ones intrigues and excites me. So do I believe in God? Well God is just a word that is too limiting for me. The need to know and understand is very helpful but actually not all important. I have a deep need to live *viscerally (*relating to deep inward feelings rather than to the intellect). Furthermore, not living in religious judgment is truly liberating! So these days my post Christian life is more fulfilling and satisfying. I will continue to move forward everyday in practical ways doing the best I can meeting the needs of those within my circle. At the same time I will take much joy in the hope of that which I hold deep within, the hope of something more than what we see in this life. The idea that cause and effect extends further then the life that we now live and experience.